Things that Break Us

The things that truly break us, are the things books can't be written about, the

things that won't make good stories or songs. 'Cause it's the daily struggles that break us the most - it's the same thing again and again, in bits and pieces, a puzzle whose pieces are put together so slowly, that we never feel someone would care to understand this experience or resonate with it.

So I live my life believing that I am the only one who feels this way. The only one whose pain is so monotonous, so repetitive, that I can't even tell anyone about it anymore - 'cause how many times can I complain about the same wound?

But I have realised that probably most of us feel this way. Since we have only ever lived in our own selves, we feel lonely in our own universe - but we are not alone, we are all together in dealing with our own problems, searching for medicine that can heal our wounds. 'Cause pain isn't theatrical, it's not a sublime spectacle, pain does not engage in cinematic battles, it slowly chips away at the soul. And grief does not come with time limits, it makes its home in the heart - you learn to live with it, but you can't really get completely rid of it.

So as we all live our separate lives, believing ourselves alone, suffering our own wounds, what can be our saving grace, is the realisation that we are not alone, not truly. As we look up and ask the stars if this kind of pain has been specifically crafted to break us into pieces, we might be consoled by realising that we are all looking up at the sky with the same thought. Our pain might not be the same, but pain understands pain, and the ones around us feel hurt just like we do.

We can't get rid of the pain, and the suffering, they will be our companions as long as we are here. But we also have love and beauty as our companions in this world. Even when we can't see them or touch them, if we close our eyes we can feel their presence, know in our hearts that they are here with us, waiting for the fog to clear so we can see them and embrace them again. So, as totalizing as the pain might feel sometimes, it can't take over, because love and beauty stay with us at the edges and corners waiting to make us smile again, even when we are in the midst of our pain.

When we are crying and our Mom checks up on us, even if she doesn't say the right thing, even if she doesn't understand our pain, she's there, like a single ray of sunshine on a dark foggy day. When we tell a friend we are hurting, and they tell us they are hurting too, even if we can't solve each others' problems, we realise that we are still together, and when the darkness fades, we'll laugh together again. When we feel the world is broken, and it starts to rain, the pitter-patter design of the rain on the window is still beautiful, it still gives a faint solace. When tears break you down so much that you feel like you are fighting for your life, and your dog comes and sweetly licks you and wags his tail, you can't help but smile, 'cause even if the world sucks and hurts in ways you never even imagined possible, you know that angels are still there.